Musical Beds

All my life, I have had trouble sleeping.  I remember when I was about 4 or 5 years old, my mother escorted me back to my bedroom in the middle of the night and said..."You can do whatever you want...play with your toys or look at books, but you must stay in your room.  Do not wake anyone up because you can't sleep!"  It worked.  I stayed in my room and everyone else slept.  Somehow, I can't seem to impart that nugget of wisdom to my own children. 

I usually sleep between 3 - 5 hours each night.  My sleep problems are frustrating enough without adding my husband, children, and pets to the mix.  My family likes to play a little game I call "Musical Beds" and it goes like this...

First, the fattest cat will jump on the bed making tidal waves as she walks toward my head.  She has always been the demanding one, but with age has gotten a little cranky.  She will walk up to my face and nudge me to pet her.  I am a little afraid because if I don't pet her exactly where she wants...she will bite me.  I usually get bitten several times...so much for drifting off peacefully.

Next, after hearing my whimpers, the dog will leave my daughters bed and jump up on mine thinking I am calling him to come play.  He will repeatedly dive on top of me to play "All Star Wrestling."  After I cower under the covers and play dead, the dog, gives up makes 3 circles and curls up at the bottom of the bed.  Up to this point, my husband, who went to bed at least 4 hours before... is oblivious to the turmoil happening next to him. 

Just about the time I am drifting off, the bulimic cat will start to yowl downstairs (The ADHD dog somehow locks the cat door to the garage where the litter box is located every night)  I will get up to unlock the door.  The cat will be doing the "Potty Dance" in front of the door and bolt through it as soon as I open it.  As a punishment to me, when she has finished her business in the box...she will deliberately walk across my car windows with her moist paws about 32 times. 

Back upstairs in my bed, I again spend 15 -20 minutes trying to drift off... about that time, my 7 year old will come stand silently beside the bed staring at me with his face 6 inches away from mine.  When I realize the moist, hot air I am breathing is not from the tropical breeze I was just beginning to dream about...I almost pee the bed as I suddenly realize there is someone standing next to me.  He is scared about something and wants to sleep with me.  He climbs over me to the middle of the bed.  He will have stepped on my full bladder, causing me to do the "Potty Dance" all the way to the bathroom.

How is it that a little child can take up twice as much room as an adult in bed?  It is like sleeping with an octopus!  An elbow to my carotid, a kick in my kidney, a slap in the face...why are children sooooo violent in their sleep?  My daughter use to pull my hair in her sleep when she was younger!  Half way through the battle I will ask my husband to take Alex back to bed and sleep with him so he won't be scared.  Whew!  Finally...room to stretch out and relax so I can sleep.

About the time I'm drifting off, the youngest will have wet through his "Big Boy Night-Night Pants" and need me to change his pajamas then will insist on sleeping with me.  My tween daughter will join us 30 minutes later because she had a bad dream.  All the animals will return to bite and attack.  And at some point my oldest son may walk in his sleep and I will have to get up to guide him back to bed.  I may spend the rest of the night on the couch...but at 4 am my husband gets up to exercise and get ready for work.  He turns every light on, cranks up the radio, and makes enough noise to raise the dead...so I go back upstairs and try to sleep in the "group bed" once again.

My alarm goes off at 6 am and I am more tired than when I went to bed!  My friend once said she saw a t-shirt that said, "I will sleep when I die"...I certainly hope so...because while I am alive - it ain't gonna happen! 

Musical Beds may not be my favorite game, but it sure makes my kids laugh every time we talk about the antics that go on at night!  I can only hope they have children that will do the same to them one day.